Dear Infertility

Before you, I was weak. My muscles were small. My stamina was short. Before you, I was near sighted. Unaware and adrift, I couldn’t see the majestic forest, just my few routine trees. Before you, I was naïve, ignorant and happy. Before you I was simple.

You rode in with a crippling howl and collapsed my ideal world. You wrecked me, ripped me in two, and then in four. I began to see red and blue and grey. I understood evil and pain. I breathed hard, screamed loud, and banged my fists. I begged you to let me go, but you held on with a suffocating grip. I became different. I began to dwell in the dark. I believed it was over.

Lifeless and lonely I called upon The Shepherd. He lifted me, but I was limp. He whispered hope, but I cried doubt. Scared of the journey ahead, I tried to separate myself from The Shepherd, but he would not move. He adamantly refused to let you win. In Him I grew stronger each day. With His living words, I called you on your lies. With His enduring promises, I stopped hiding. Armed with The Shepherd’s Staff in my in small hands, I allowed the world to know my secrets, faults and fears. I exposed myself.  I exposed you. Something new grew in me. Again, I was different, but this time I became free. Free to see yellow and magenta and green. Free to see this big, complicated, beautiful, sad, surprising, wonderful world. Free to experience miracles that cannot be counted.

And although you tried to crack and break my soul, you were no match for The Shepherd. He fulfilled his promise and shattered your wall of lies with the awesome first cry of one baby boy. 

After you, I am strong.

After you, I am can see.

After you, I am found.

After you, I am free.


The Shepherd’s Daughter 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s